Rougher Waters

Alex couldn't sleep last night. I think everything was just a bit much for him, and he couldn't turn it all off. I remember many long and lonely nights at his age, and I didn't even have half the challenges to keep me up at night as he does. So I stayed with him in his room for a bit, but when I got too tired we moved downstairs: him to the couch and me to the air mattress on the floor, where he could put his hand in my hair and feel me close by while we both fell asleep.

When I got up in the morning, I found that Mark had had a rough night, that he had nearly woken me up because of his chest pain. But he toughed it all all day long even though he was too nauseous to lie down and too lightheaded to walk around--or even barely to sit up. Finally, about 6:30 in the evening, he decided that he would have to go in to the hospital. He's there now. The boys and I dropped him off, and Jason will go pick him up later.

I can't really "win" in these situations because regardless of whether I go with Mark or stay with the kids, I feel guilty for not being with the other(s)! On a day like today, I would normally have leaned toward staying with Mark, because it wasn't "just" pain. It seems like his liver is acting up, too, and he's quite sick. I know if I were in a state like that, I would want company. But Alex is agitated enough as it is and Brendan just had his first (very partial) day of school today, and I just felt like the kids won this round. But I find myself sitting on the edge of my chair, waiting for news that this isn't "the Big One." That's my fear every time I choose to stay with the kids--that something big will happen while I'm gone and I won't be there for him. But ... what can I do? Until they perfect the cloning techniques, I have to make a choice and just hope for the best, I guess.