I'
m afraid that guilt won out last night. I tried to give myself the night off, to sit and watch television with Kate and do my embroidery and just rest. Then, once I finally got the boys to bed, I was going turn in myself. It sounded delicious to me. But once the boys were down, I took a look around my house, which seems instantly to turn into something resembling a hurricane disaster zone the moment I loosen my grip on it, and decided that there was no way I was going to be able to go to bed with things in this condition. So I stomped around, loading the dishwasher, picking up toys and gum wrappers, moaning aloud. "WHY am I the ONLY ONE in this house who seems to know where the GARBAGE CAN IS?!?!?" Of course, I instantly felt ashamed. I thought, "Oh, dear. I sound like a mother!" Sigh ... And then, of course, when I mentioned going to bed, Kate piped up, "You're so boring!" And since I feel boring lately (compared to her and her friends with their boundless energy and enthusiasm for life) and I since I feel continually guilty for the extra load she has to bear in being the oldest child in this challenging family, I put off going to bed and painted her nails instead. In fact I didn't go to bed at all. After awhile, she got her pillow and laid on my lap, and we watched TV. Then the boys joined us, and soon we were sacked out across the living room: me on the couch, Alex on the loveseat, Kate and Brendan cuddled up under blankets on the floor. As I drifted off to sleep, I found comfort in their proximity as I know they found it in mine.
m afraid that guilt won out last night. I tried to give myself the night off, to sit and watch television with Kate and do my embroidery and just rest. Then, once I finally got the boys to bed, I was going turn in myself. It sounded delicious to me. But once the boys were down, I took a look around my house, which seems instantly to turn into something resembling a hurricane disaster zone the moment I loosen my grip on it, and decided that there was no way I was going to be able to go to bed with things in this condition. So I stomped around, loading the dishwasher, picking up toys and gum wrappers, moaning aloud. "WHY am I the ONLY ONE in this house who seems to know where the GARBAGE CAN IS?!?!?" Of course, I instantly felt ashamed. I thought, "Oh, dear. I sound like a mother!" Sigh ... And then, of course, when I mentioned going to bed, Kate piped up, "You're so boring!" And since I feel boring lately (compared to her and her friends with their boundless energy and enthusiasm for life) and I since I feel continually guilty for the extra load she has to bear in being the oldest child in this challenging family, I put off going to bed and painted her nails instead. In fact I didn't go to bed at all. After awhile, she got her pillow and laid on my lap, and we watched TV. Then the boys joined us, and soon we were sacked out across the living room: me on the couch, Alex on the loveseat, Kate and Brendan cuddled up under blankets on the floor. As I drifted off to sleep, I found comfort in their proximity as I know they found it in mine.
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