The Relay

Brendan was so sick today. About 1:30 a.m., he started throwing up and continued until he had nothing left and then just lay there dry heaving. Poor little puppy! He had nasty diarrhea, too, and a fever. At one point, he was sitting on my lap while I was typing an email, and he said, "I can't do this anymore." And then suddenly, about 4 p.m., after I gave him some ibuprofen that I'd borrowed for Becca (I can never seem to keep that stuff around) he started perking up. He held up his fingers, a couple of inches apart, and said, "I feel this much better." Within a couple of hours, I was pulling him off the counter, where he'd climbed up to get to the brown sugar, and off the top of the washing machine. (What he was doing up there is anybody's guess.) When he and his brother started yelling at each other, I knew that ... yep! He was definitely back to his old self! I hope this holds, though. He has "field day" in the morning for his last day of preschool and a BBQ/"graduation" in the evening. I really hope he doesn't have to miss it.

Mark, however, is doing great! I can't believe how well he bounced back in just two days! It was wonderful to have a co-parent during my adventure with Brendan today. He drove Alex to school. (I know, I know. He's not supposed to be driving. But it's only three blocks.) And he picked up medicine and diapers for me (to save the couches). He fetched towels and did assorted helpful little things. We had an IEP meeting for Alex today, too, and Mark was able to go so that I could stay with Bren. If this had happened a few days ago (or on any number of days when Mark is out of commission), it would have been far more challenging.

Now I just hope that Brendan doesn't feel a need to share his little bug with the rest of the family!

Home Again

Mark is home again. We got back about 3:00 yesterday afternoon. He's feeling okay, actually, just extremely tired. My brother Mark and Joellen brought over pizza last night so that I didn't have to cook. I could have just grabbed them up and kissed them both! They were tired, too, though, so we all kind of sat around being blah together. I've really come to appreciate that in my old age. People always think that the best friends/loved ones are those who bring out the excitement in life. For me, no. The people I treasure most are those with whom I can safely be just ... blah.

Looking Up

Mark is still up at OHSU, but he making strides toward being able to come home. When I went up there yesterday, he said that he felt pretty good. Of course, he usually fell right back to sleep after saying that, but at least he wasn't in pain. When the nurse came in, he said that he wanted to go home, but she and I both thought that he should take a little walk, see how he could manage out of bed. The stroll itself went fine, but shortly after he got back, his heart starting acting up again and the squeezing pain in his head started up again (although thankfully not in his heart). They ran a quick EKG and notice some "differences." The doc on call said, "Nope. You're not going home." So ... there he stays.

They gave him a drip of calcium something-or-other before I arrived yesterday, and they changed his blood pressure medication from verapamil to metoprolol. That seems to be helping a lot. They still don't know if they are going to need to do a phlebotomy to thin his blood out further or if this-all will be enough. Hopefully we'll find out today.

The kids are holding up reasonably well. Kate is doing her usual avoidant routine. She seems to take great pains to be "normal" during these times. I know she worries about him--but I don't think anyone else would know that from watching her. She functions at these times by pretending that nothing is wrong. The only thing she has asked me was whether he was home (upstairs) or in the hospital. I have told her in the past, though, that I will never hide something truly serious from her, that if I know he is going to die, I will tell her. As morbid as that may seem to those of you with "normal" lives, I really think knowing that she can count on that gives her a kind of freedom to go about her life and not worry about every bump in the road.

Alex is doing remarkably well. He has pitched two royal fits (one with me, one with my dad), but otherwise, he seems far more calm than he usually does when Mark has one of his longer spells in the hospital. He is not pacing up and down, flapping his hands and talking a mile a minute. He did ask several times if Dad was going to be okay. He didn't seem satisfied with my simple "yes," so at bedtime we sat down and had a chat. "But this seems serious," he said. I told him that yes, it is serious, but not for right now. It's serious because if they don't fix it, the pain will just go on and on and the lack of oxygen will damage his heart, which would cause worse problems down the road. I told him about the ICU, that most people who go into the ICU come out alive, that going there is not a sign that The End has come. However, I said, NOT being in the ICU is a pretty good sign that he's going to be okay. I think that was a "marker" he could understand.

Now Brendan ... well, what can I say about Brendan? He's just his regular self, wound a little tighter. He had a couple of crises yesterday. He wanted the TV, for one, and I gave it to Kaitlyn. Then, in the evening, when Alex was serving up a couple of bowls of CheezIts for snack, he dropped a few into a bowl with orange peels and then put them back in the box. Egad! He contaminated them! Brendan was jumping up and down by my chair, distraught and sobbing. But other than these "breakthrough" moments, he seems to be holding up pretty well.

And me? Well, I'm okay now. This really threw me for a loop. He was in the hospital Tuesday for the exact same set of symptoms, and we were told that he was fine. And then ... blam! It was like driving through an intersection and getting T-boned by a car that ran a stop sign. For two full days, I felt like I was spinning through that intersection, trying to get a grip on the wheel and find the brake! I had let my guard down, which I should know by now NOT TO DO!! But ... one has a hard time living always in a state of alert. I think it's natural, when things go relatively smoothly for a while, to want to relax. But I was so caught off guard, that I was in a seriously befuddled state for awhile. I mean, I went about my business, driving, taking care of kids, etc. But my emotions were a wreck. I had to go into this sort of deep freeze to avoid having them spill out all over the place. When I finally came out of it, Becca commented that I could talk again. Yep, that's how "frozen" I was. I couldn't seem to find the right words! When I'd talk to people, the words would just stick in the muck of my mind and it was SUCH a struggle to pry them lose. But that has passed now, and I feel normal again. (Hey, I heard that! Yes, I know that's a relative terms, for one such as myself! You don't need to rub it in.)

Well, I've started my poetry class with Sandy Soli, and I am loving it! I have my first week's packet due by noon tomorrow so I think I'll sign off and go smooth out some loose edges and get that ready to send on over. More soon!

A Brief Update

Mark is still at OHSU. His echo yesterday morning did show improvement so they were going to release him, but when he out of the pain, the pain just came roaring back. They put him back on the IVs: heparin, narcotics, fluids. So ... we shall see.

Update on Mark

I just got home from OHSU. Mark's "blockage" isn't like what people get when they have bypass surgery. It's just that all of his blood has become too thick and his heart is straining to pump it effectively. His echocardiogram showed that his heart failure has worsened somewhat. Not dramatically. Not the point where he needs to be in ICU, etc. It's just more "sluggish" than it used to be, the doc said. Today they gave him (in addition to his regular meds), heparin to thin his blood, morphine for the severe pain, phenergan for the nausea, potassium to remedy a deficit they discovered, and fluid. They're hoping that will be enough. If not, they will phlebotomize him (i.e. draw off a unit or two of blood and replace it with albumen). If that doesn't work, then we will discuss more dramatic measures. They want to proceed slowly, however, and use the least invasive methods they can to avoid as much risk as possible.

Up to OHSU

Just wanted to let all of y'all know that Mark was taken via ambulance to Newberg Providence in the middle of the night. I recently found out that he has some kind of blockage and that they are taking him up to OHSU. I'll update when I know more.

Ah ... Poop!

Today was one of those days! Mark woke up just fine, but after I got Alex off to school and was getting Brendan fed and ready for preschool, he came down with severe pain in his chest and down his arm. We called 911, and within minutes our living room was full of medics again. Brendan, still in his jammies, stood right next to Kaitlyn, who was home sick, and just watched. One of the medics asked Mark if he had gotten ink all over his hands. Another, who has run on Mark before, said nope. That's just his regular color. Anyway, they took him off to the hospital. Kaitlyn changed her mind and went off to school. I packed a lunch, changed out of my torn jeans (since I'd been planning to go work in the community garden), grabbed a book and hit the road.

The tests, of course, revealed nothing. It took several doses of Dilaudid to get the pain somewhat under control. They also had to treat the nausea and then, eventually, the itching that he gets as a result of the narcotics. They also gave him Valium after a couple of hours.

I was hurting pretty badly today and after a couple of hours, I HAD to lay down. Obviously I wasn't going to lay down on the floor! So I put two chairs together, got three blankets out of the warmer, rolled them up and put under key achy spots, propped my feet up on the garbage can, and ... voila! The thing is ... I fell asleep! Mark asked me for something (ice?), and I just couldn't get up. I remember surfacing several times and noticing that he was having arrhythmias and that he was having shooting pain with each irregular beat. I knew the nurse came in and was concerned. And still, I couldn't get up. As it turns out, the arrhythmias were just PVCs, which are generally benign. Why they were causing him pain is anyone's guess!

I finally did manage to shake myself awake when they started talking about releasing him. I got home in time to pick up Bren at Becca's and then Alex at school. And then I had a lovely chat with Joellen, who always comes over to help out while I'm gone taking Mark to the pain center. (Obviously, he didn't go to his visit today.) She stayed until 6:30, when I left to go put in some time at the community garden.

See, the thing is ... when I signed up for the community garden, I pictured planting cute little seeds, showing up to water and weed ... I didn't realize that we all get to help take down and put up fencing and do little things like ... spread manure! Dang, that's hard word! Either that, or I'm a total wimp, but I did notice that the gal who was working with me was also walking like a robot by the time we rinsed out the wheelbarrows and put the tools away.

This gal that I met ... Anita. She seems really nice. Her husband fought brain cancer, but has been cancer free for five years. He can't work, however, and so is on disability. I felt an instant sort of bond with her. And even better ... she goes to my church! Of course, so do about 2,000 other people, which just might explain why I've never met her before. Hopefully, I'll see more of her as we work our little plots this summer.

Just Cleaning Up

The healthier I get through this therapeutic process, the more I like having a clean house. For years, I only did the bare minimum to keep up my home and make it appealing, for a variety of reasons. It was not laziness. I busted booty at work, etc. I just couldn't stand the thought of being controlled/defined by my home. As I've begun to realize who I am, though, and am becoming comfortable in my own skin, my home no longer feels threatening to me, like something that could swallow me up if I'm not careful. It's my ally, my ... friend, if you would. It's going to take me a while to get back what I have let go over the years, and I remind myself often that it doesn't have to be done overnight. But once things are clean/organized, it's really fairly simple to keep them that way. Or rather, to return them to that state periodically--especially now that I've also shed (most of) my fear of being a taskmaster to my children and started expecting them to clean up after themselves. (It's amazing how capable they can be when put to the test. Not that they don't balk about it ...)

Anyway, I turned over my loveseat to clean beneath it. (Brendan has turned it into some kind of wall, behind/on which he is playing an elaborate game of Spiderman.) I was amused at what I found there. I retrieved:

--forty-nine cents
--three colored pencils
--a picture of Kaitlyn when she was three years old
--a marker
--a baby spoon (???--we don't even have a baby!)
--a regular kitchen spoon
--half of a plastic Easter egg
--two of Kaitlyn's hair ties that disappeared practically the moment I brought them home
--about twenty-five rubber bands
--several Legos
--a one-inch Chewbacca
--a Hot Wheels car
--Kaitlyn's lip gloss (which also disappeared upon entering the house. Sometimes it amazing me that Kaitlyn herself doesn't vanish!)
--a red checker
--a pair of black nylons
--a Reader's Digest
--the good tweezers
--assorted miniature plastic swords and lightsabers
--several Spiderman valentines
--a flattened gold party hat

What I want to know is: why do I only find pennies and nickels hidden away in the couch. I would really have loved to have found the twenty dollar bill Mark misplaced last week. Oh, well ...

It's payday today! Not the big one. That's not until the third. But I get to go fill up the gas tank. (The gas light went on yesterday.) And I get to buy groceries! We have no milk, no eggs, no bread, no yogurt, no fruit, no cereal... No, I take that back. We have one bowl of Fruit Loops left. In other words, I am eager to get out there and get some FOOD!

Mark was in the hospital last night. He had been fine earlier in the day. He even went to church with me, which was a real treat, since he almost never does anymore. (I have to leave by 8:40, and he's generally not well at that point in the day.) He even felt okay in the afternoon, and then... bam! Out of the blue, the pain hit. I couldn't find Kaitlyn. I knew she was at Shawne's, but I called all four of their numbers and got no response. (I think Pieper had her cell off, and Shawne's cell went through the washing machine this week. Oops! The girls apparently had their music up so loud they couldn't hear the personal line upstairs or the business phone downstairs.) I can't leave the boys alone and didn't have enough gas to go and come back and then go back to pick him up later. And the thought of spending hours in the hospital lobby with my boys ... well, let's just say I can think of many other things I'd rather do. Like get my teeth drilled. So I called my aunt Kathy. She and Uncle Ken volunteered a few months ago to be "on call" Sundays and Wednesdays if I needed someone. I hate asking for help, especially if the person I'm asking has to go out of his/her way to provide it, but since I couldn't find Kate to watch the boys, I went ahead and called. I thought I would get the boys down to bed and go relieve Kathy, but she stayed with him until they released him--four hours after she picked him up at my front door. I could just squeeze her to pieces right now!

Well, Brendan is still climbing along the top of his "wall," growling and whispering at some unseen enemy ... Who knew an overturned couch could be so much fun?!?

Some Welcome Down Time

I'm happy to report that I really have nothing to report the last few days. Mark has not been well, but he hasn't had to go to the hospital since ... when was that? Monday? Kaitlyn's dramas at school seem to have hit a mellow phase. Alex's personal bully seems to have laid off. Even Brendan seems more agreeable (probably due to the fact that he is able to be outside for hours on end now). I have gotten to write quite a bit this week. (I've been working mostly on cinquains and tanka this week. Fun!) I've even had time to sit down and read! Which is, I think, what I'm going to go do now ... just for a little bit. And then I think I'll go to sleep early. Sounds wonderful! (I'm tempted to skip the reading part and go straight to the sleeping part ... Boy, am I a bundle of energy tonight!)

Oh, oh, oh! I can't believe I almost forgot to tell you this! I have a partner for our HFA/AS game night that I've been dreaming of starting for years! I didn't want to go ahead with this until I had someone lined up to help me if things around here were on the fritz, but I didn't know where to find such a person. Well, I put it on our prayer chain (and prayed about it myself, as I have done many times). A woman named Amy emailed me and said that she is interested in such a thing herself, and since there isn't any such group available reasonably close, she will help me start it! I am so excited! My children's pastor gave me the go ahead to pursue it, months ago. Now I have to go through the paperwork to get authorization to use our church. Then, one Friday evening each month, we'll open the downstairs. We'll have video games. (The church has plenty of televisions. We, personally, have plenty [i.e. too many!] game systems and games.) We'll have a room with board games (of which we also have many), a movie room (where the NT siblings tended to hang out at the game night I attended in Gresham, once upon a time), a snack room (where the adults tended to congregate), and most likely an open gym. There's not going to be anything structured. At least not yet. And every parent will be responsible for his/her own child(ren). Mostly it'll just be a place for our kids to hang out with like minded peers and hopefully make a friend or two. Also, it gives parents and siblings a group of people who share common experiences, who can understand the joys and challenges of this life in a personal way. Stay tuned for updates!

To the ER, again.

We went to the ER again last night. The day had been going fine. Mark didn't feel terrific, but he felt okay. He even went for a walk. (He's been doing that a lot more lately, trying to build up his strength and all.) But about 5:30, he starting having some really bad pressure in his chest and neck. His hands went cold and numb. He felt like he couldn't breath. Nitro helped for a few minutes, but it all just came bounding back five minutes later. When things weren't showing any signs of clearing up, I drove him to the ER. His pulse and blood pressure were a bit high. Not through the roof, by any means, but his body was clearly fighting for/against something. Once we got there, the nausea kicked in and he started dry heaving. Ugh! But the EKG came back normal, and so did the blood work. After a couple of hours, they gave him phenergan for the nausea and dilaudid for the chest pain/pressure. Within minutes, his heart rate dropped and his oxygen saturations went up. His blood pressure didn't improve much, but he was able to go home about a half hour later.

I'm never quite sure how to "be" during these episodes. I know that I am stressed, deep down inside, because I cannot concentrate on writing during these times. The words just seem flat in my head. I feel restless and tend to sit there, embroidering, while docs and techs and nurses try this and that. I often wonder if they think I don't care. I can FEEL the flatness in my face. It's just ... I can't get too upset until I know what's going on. If I let myself get all twisted up whenever he has chest pain, I'll be a basket case! But I can feel myself steeling up inside, just in case. I just can't help wondering if it looks to the world like I am heartless and uncaring. I hope not, but ... I can't really worry about people's opinions of me on top of everything else. And there really isn't anything I can do for Mark. I get him ice chips when he wants them, but he doesn't like to be touched when he's hurting and he's a little old for me to be singing him lullabies. So I just sit there... and wait.

Happy Mother's Day (a Day Late)

Mother's Day turned out quite alright! I'd had a rough night Saturday--just my infernal insomnia acting up--so when I went to teach Sunday School, I was TIRED! But I had a fun craft planned to do with the kids, and Nicole, Marla, and Kaitlyn all pitched in to help. We took pictures of the kids, and Nicole printed them right there on site. (Note to anyone wealthy who wants to buy me a gift ... I WANT ONE OF THOSE! Can you imagine, being able to print off your own pictures whenever you want them? How much fun would that be?!? Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked here ...) After we printed the pictures, we painted the kids hands and had them press their prints onto funky colored foam sheet picture frames that I'd cut out with an exacto knife the night before. Then we glued all the pieces together, and ... voila!

After church, I went home to see if Mark would be able to come with us for lunch, but he wasn't up to it. I left him in bed and went to my parents' house for a BBQ. My dad was a prince, wouldn't let Mom or me do any work. (I asked him once, and he replied, "No, you may NOT help." Okay. Works for me!) If was so tired though that I only stayed a couple of hours. Went home and had Kaitlyn watch Brendan so I could take an actual nap (i.e. the kind behind closed doors rather than one-eye-open-dozing-on-the-couch kind of nap I tend to take a lot lately). It was just ... yummy! When I woke up, it was dinner time, and the kids, of course, wanted to know what was for dinner. Mark rose to the occasion, delivering a scrumptious chicken/pepper/onion dish with a tangy sauce that he'd created from scratch. He was pretty worn out once he was done cooking. He's not used to standing that long at a stretch--which made it all the more special to me.

A Busy Day

I went with Brendan on his field trip yesterday. It wasn't one of the more exciting ones we've been on, I'm afraid. We just went to the AG shop at the high school (about three blocks from the preschool) and let the kids see the plants and the greenhouses. They got to plant their own Coleus. Mommies and Daddies got to take one, too, if they wanted. I swooped in on that! (The only problem is, these plants apparently need lots of shade. My flower bed is in full afternoon sun--perfect for roses and sunflowers, but not so ideal for these shade lovers! I think I'm going to have to plant them in the back and just hope that I remember to water them when I take out the trash!) The owner, who is supervising the building of eight new units kitty corner across the lot from us, keeps telling Mark that he (Mark) needs to get me a place with a garden, where I can indulge my green thumb! Someday, Marvin. Someday.

I had lunch with Andrea, a chaotic affair as usual. She is exhausted, and I was internally applauding her valiant efforts to keep from biting the heads of the kids, who were not on their best behavior yesterday, to say the least. At one point, she saw Emma outside doing something and started to rush out, undoubtedly carrying a stream of harsh words with her, but she stopped at the door instead and turned around and looked at me. "Count to ten," I said. When she looked unconvinced, I added, "And backwards." She took a couple of deep breaths and went out--and handled the situation just fine. My hat's off to her...

After school the girls came over to get ready for the dance. It was chatter, chatter, chatter, giggle, giggle, giggle ... funky music on the stereo in the hallway upstairs ... Pieper came over to bring Shawne's dress, which she had tried to sew up to a style more appropriate for a 12-year-old. It was still awfully low. Shawne badgered her mom. "It's fine, Mom. It's fine." Finally Pieper turned to me. "Well, ask Jenn what she thinks." Oh, dear. Shawne came into the kitchen and said, "As my second mother, what do you think?" I had to agree with Pieper, not just because she was the mom but because ... she was right! I told her, "You don't want the boys spending the whole night looking at your chest." She sighed and gave in. Later, Pieper was back, after dropping Austin at his baseball game. I could hear Pieper and Shawne upstairs, bickering. Well, Shawne was bickering, and Pieper had that tone one uses when one's child is on her last nerve and one has two options: be extremely civil or blow a fuse. When Pieper came down, she said something like, "God, help me. I'm not sure I'm up to raising a daughter." All I could say was, "I hear you!" The girls went off happy, though, and came back happy, although they had to blow off the tension of several situations: one boy that was "dirty dancing," one crush who didn't show up, one girl who cut in and stole a dance, two girls who were crying ... Mark listened to them for awhile and then said, "I have to go upstairs. I'm getting dizzy." Yeah, me, too! But, dizzy or not, I hung out close by, working on my pictures, so that I could listen in on the drama of the day. One can learn a lot by pretending to be absorbed in something else when one's children and their friends are nearby!

Alex's student led conferences were much less dramatic, although to watch Alex pacing around the room, stuttering and making this odd guttural noise as he showed us all of his work, you wouldn't know it! Maybe it was equally dramatic for him! He was VERY happy to be showing us his space and his work. I've been there before, several times, but still ... It was fun to see him so proud of his classroom and his achievements. I had to remind him a couple of time, though, that if he expects me to understand what he's saying, he can't be pacing around behind me and/or facing the opposite direction! He'll get it, in due time.

Today, the boys are upstairs, playing Spiderman Something-or-Other on Alex's computer. The girls, still sleepy, are eating coffee cake on the couch and watching Reba. And me? Well, it's high time I get off my duff and start cleaning this house! I'm going to make the kids do likewise, but they don't know that yet! I'm going to let them enjoy their lazy morning a little longer.

Here, There, and Everywhere

Today was LONG! Brendan didn't go to school today. It wasn't going to work out, schedule-wise, so I took him with us to OHSU. The docs had Mark back there for ages. Brendan and I drew pictures on paper, took pictures with the camera, drew pictures on each other's hands... Then we went down to the lobby, bought a muffin, went back for a hot chocolate, played a bit of I Spy. Then Bren tried hiding under the magazine table, then the chair... Then we played Tickle and Kitty and ... what else? In other words, it was boring! But after a couple of hours, Mark came back with a good report. The doctors are concerned about the arrhythmia, of course, but they don't know what to make of it since it hasn't been acting up in the last several days. They have him on a SAT and heart monitor again. He has all kind of wires hooked to him tonight. Actually, they did an exercise test and said his saturations went UP when he exercised, which is a good thing! So ... who knows? Nobody, apparently! But they applaud his determination in getting off the narcotics and seem guardedly optimistic. The sores on his legs could be a medication reaction (or even a reaction to going off some of his medications), and they are finally healing. The horrible itching, too, is likely due to morphine withdrawl. As far as the tooth goes, the doc thinks (but isn't sure) that Medicare would cover it since it's broken and needs to be extracted. I'm going to have to call someone about that tomorrow.

By 11:30, we were on the road again. I came home, making a few stops on the way. We were looking for a particular game that Alex wants to buy with his birthday money, and Mark wanted to go to Barnes and Nobel to spend HIS birthday gift card. Then we had to stop to pick up a prescription, etc. When I got home, I crashed. Put a show on for Brendan and fell asleep on the couch for half an hour. Then I had to go get Alex at school, drop him at home, drop Brendan at Becca's and head out to Kaitlyn's track meet. It was their last one of the season. It was so funny. Kaitlyn lost her shoe during her leg of the relay! Even so, they still made their "team best" for the season. They didn't medal or anything, but they did pretty well, all things considered. Then home, to pick up Brendan and run Kaitlyn to youth group. And finally ... done! The taxi has been put away for the night.

Tomorrow I only have a local field trip with Brendan's preschool class and lunch with Andrea. Piece of cake! But the dance is tomorrow, and the girls will be here beforehand, getting ready, and ... they are feuding still/again. Not all of them. Only one, a girl who is often a sweetheart but whose "princess complex" has alienated her from the rest of the group. Could be tense! But we'll hope for the best. In any case, it's bound to be lively around here tomorrow.

An Update

We've had some new developments on the health front this week. On the good side, the pain crises seem to be largely reduced. Since Mark isn't on any narcotics now, when the pain does hit, it slams him pretty hard, but thankfully he only needed to go into the ER once this week. However, the nurse practitioner on duty that night happened to be the one who thinks that this is all "anxiety" and "drug seeking." Now, Mark will be the first to tell you that he has a wee bit of anxiety lately (to put it lightly). But he also has a pretty serious heart condition! He was having pain radiating down his arms and a heartrate of 130, and the nurse dismissed it.

The next day we found out the not-so-good news: Mark is having atrial arrhythmias. He's also having ventricular arrhythmias, but basically that's not a big deal. But atrial arrhythmias are a whole different ball game. They could raise his risk for stroke, depending on what kind he's having, which we don't know yet. We have an appointment at OHSU on Wednesday to decide what our next step should be.

The other concerning thing is a bunch of sores on both legs that are not healing. While we don't know for sure, it could well be due to his impaired circulation. That, too, we will address on Wednesday.

The third thing is perhaps the simplest of all, but may be the trickiest to solve, at this point. Mark's tooth broke. Any dental work carries the risk of endocarditis for him. A couple of years ago, the specialist at Good Sam told him, "You could live 10, or maybe even 15 more years--as long as you don't get endocarditis." It's not something he wants to mess with! Well, even though he doesn't seem to have an abscess or anything, he's got on antibiotics within hours. Our problem? Medicare doesn't cover dental work, and getting this tooth pulled is not going to be cheap. I'm not quite sure how we're going to deal with that one. Anybody know any dentists who specialize in high risk, uninsured patients?

Other than that, life goes well in our neck of the woods. Kate is her usual socialite self. Alex is his usual non-socialite self! :) (He and I have had some of the most interesting discussion lately. Leave it that kid to ask all the hard questions! He's the only kid I know who asks people to be quiet so that he can hear the news on the radio or who would rather sit and watch a documentary on Biblical history than play outside.) And Brendan ... well, now that the sun is out, so is he! He runs and runs with the neighbor kids, wears himself out thoroughly just being a kid.

Kids and Stuff

Hey, y'all. I'd like to introduce you to Anna, my friend Perri's little girl. This picture was taken at a Boston rally last week where she (and her brother and sister) escorted their mommy (and several other concerned citizens) to meet with legislatures and to plead for the preservation of many rural schools that are in danger of closing. (To read more about it, see http://www.recorder.com/story.cfm?id_no=4214818)

And here is Perri herself. (Drum roll, please. Let's see if I can get this beast to allow me two photos without getting all funky on me.) Okay, fine. If the Powers That Be want to put both pictures at the top, FINE! I'm not going to argue with them. By the way, Perri doesn't always go around wearing a canary hat. It's just for special occasions! :)

And me? You want to know what has been going on with me, huh? Well, a big chunk of the last couple of weeks has gone to proofing Perri's (excellent!) manuscript. (It would be simpler if my laptop wasn't incredibly touchy and prone to shutting off without notice if the cord gets bumped. It's also incredibly slow starting back up. It's like great-grandmother, climbing the stairs to read stories to the kids. By the time she gets there, the kids are asleep! But, hey! At least I have a laptop!)

What else? Well, I doubt you want to hear about all the cooking and cleaning, vacuuming and carpet cleaning ... I don't even have any hospital visits to share with you guys. Not that I'm complaining!!! It's really rather strange, actually. About a week ago, Mark quit taking his morphine, completely. Of course, being Mark, he didn't tell anybody for several days. He had some mild withdrawal systems, but nothing major. And he hasn't had any terrible pain since then. Doesn't it seem like it should be the opposite? I'm confused ... But, whatever the reason, we are all grateful.

His new-ish arrhythmia are bothering him more and more, though, especially at night. They tend to kick in if he lays down. He sleeps propped up, but often that's still not enough. Luckily for him, his desk chair is cushy and, while it doesn't exactly recline, it tilts back. He can (and does) sleep there quite a bit.

He was at work for seven hours today. Seven hours! I can't even tell you how long it has been since he worked that long at a stretch. I was afraid he would come home sick, but he said he felt fine. He looked fine, too! He's asleep now, but he's not sick, so ... that's pretty darn good, I'm thinking! I don't want to get my hopes up, but this could be a positive thing.

Otherwise, there is really not much to tell. Kaitlyn is still/always wrapped up in her junior high dramas. How did any of us ever survive those years? Pieper--Kaitlyn's best friend's mom--called the other day, and we both sounded weary. We had to laugh, though, when we realized that we were both worn out over the same thing: our girls' constant melodramas! And we're not even the ones living them! We're just ... what are we even? The audience? No, far more than that. Mediators, maybe? Sort of. It's just tricky. You want to let the poor kid know you feel her pain, and you definitely don't want to sound like you're taking the other guy's side--unless you've heard the whole story and can be quite certain that your daughter was wrong. And even then, you still want it to be clear that you're on her side, which said daughter seems to doubt all too easily. And then you want to provide comfort and instruction, all the while biting back the words, "If you'd just grow up a little, none of this would even be an issue!" But then ... that's exactly what they are doing: growing up. And while these things may seem petty to me, they are gargantuan to a twelve-year-old.

I was reminded the other day of just how young she still is. I always put the boys to bed. We'll say prayers, sometimes read a story and/or I'll lay with them a bit. But lately, since Kaitlyn goes to bed as late as--or sometimes even later than--me, I've gotten into the habit of kissing her good night and calling it good. The other night, about ten o'clock, I was on the computer, writing. She just stood on the bottom of the stairs, asking if I was almost done. It took me a while to realize that she was actually waiting for me. "Oh!" I said, "You want me to tuck you in?" "Well, you are my mommy," she said. Yes. Yes, I am. And there's no need to rush this whole growing up business, now is there?