I realized something today. Or maybe I should say re-realized. I took the boys with me when I took Mark to his appointment at the pain center today. Usually we hang out at the McDonald's just down the road, but today we are truly broke. (Now don't go sending money. We have resources kicking in here very shortly. We just didn't have anything today.) So after a short trip to Fred Meyers to buy eggs with random change I'd gathered up (and to scout out the toys), we waited at the hospital. At first they were driving me nuts with their boundless energy and Brendan's highly selective hearing. But pretty soon, as they raced around the parking circle and tried to jump the barriers, they had me laughing. I remembered how at the beach, I had felt so relaxed -- and yet I didn't laugh all of Friday. I wasn't sad. Not by any stretch of the imagination! But there wasn't anything to laugh about. At home, I am often stretched to my limit, and yet not a day goes by when I don't have a good laugh at least once, often several times a day. One moment, I will be glaring at the kids, using my stern voice and trying hard not to be complete Monster Mom. The next moment, I'll be laughing despite myself at their antics. It's such a paradox. My life would be so much easier without them. And yet at the same time, they add so much laughter, so much love, so much motivation to get up in the morning and keep on keeping on. I can't imagine my life without them.
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