A Setback

I sent Mark off, about a half hour ago, with the medics. He went into SVT again, and although he tried to get it to stop for about then minutes, nothing worked. When the firemen got here, his heart rate was at 180. Yes, this is what the ablation was supposed to stop. We knew that it would likely come back, but we had hoped that the benefits would last longer than this. What they will do now, I have no idea because (as I mentioned a couple of weeks ago) the part that's misfiring is close to the "central line" in his heart. They were already too close for comfort during this last procedure. It doesn't sound like they can get much closer without doing permanent and serious damage to the electrical wiring in his heart. But for tonight, they will likely give him IV verapamil to calm things down. Generally that works for him. As far as the big picture goes ... I can't say.

This, That, and a Little of the Other

Today was an interesting day--sort of. It started off rough because ... well, I've been sleeping on the floor in the boys' room for three days now. Mark is almost never able to sleep through the night anymore. (More and more nights--like last night--he's in too much pain to sleep at all.) But he's usually able to go downstairs and rest in his big, brown recliner and watch TV or whatever. This week, however, we seem to be grand central station for Dayton's teenage female population, who (of course) don't believe in sleeping before 3 a.m. unless they are forced to do so. So I've been sleeping in the boys' room to allow Mark a place to watch TV, etc. I woke up this morning with a headache out of the most BIZARRE nightmare. I got up, got my coffee, and sat down to work on my novel, but decided to write a short story instead, since the dream was still haunting me. Two hours later ... it was done. I sent it to two people, who both said, "Fah-REAKy!" Mark said, "I didn't know you had that in you!"

Anyway, I had to rush then, because I was signed up to help at the community kitchen, only to arrive there and find that they already had an over-abundance of people helping. I stayed for nearly two hours and did practically nothing (except drink coffee in a futile attempt to dispel the lingering headache--which didn't work but did make me jittery). Finally, I asked the gal in charge if she would mind terribly much if I just went home. I was looking forward to helping out, but standing around is really not my cup of tea. Kayte does "hanging out" with great ease and enjoyment. Moi? Not so much so.

I came home and found my table covered with gifts from Carmen Banke and the See Ya Later Foundation (the group that hosted the party for us a few months ago and bought us all those groceries). They had fun gifts for the kids, and a half dozen gift cards--for gas, Ross, Wal-mart, and (mostly) WinCo. I took advantage of my two unexpectedly free hours (and my unexpected plastic money!) and went grocery shopping, although Brendan and I had to go at Super Speed in time to pick up Mark and get him to his appointment at Newberg Providence to have the dressing on his pic line changed.

He has been in so much pain lately. He won't take phenergan anymore, because he has nearly died three times now when he has taken that in combination with dilaudid. But without it, he needs even MORE dilaudid. With it, he was high and sleepy. Without it ... he's just high! and still too nauseous to sleep.

Okay, that's too depressing of a note to end on, and I'm really not depressed over here! I'm trying to think of something lighter to discuss, so as not to leave people with the impression that I'm in some kind of abyss over here. Let's see ... hm ... I'm very nearly finished with my fourth (or is it the fifth?) draft of my novel! I told myself that I would send out queries over Christmas break, but now ... I'm hesitating. Generally writers worry that they won't get any response from agents, right? Well, I do worry about that, of course! But ... I also worry that I WILL get responses, and I know from what Libby and Perri and Kimila have gone through the last couple of years that agents generally want to see "more" or a rewrite of this or that (or the whole thing). All three of my writer friends have put a lot of time into trying to land an agent (and so far, only one of them has ... and her agent made the rounds of publishers and was unable to make a sale, after all that). So ... what if I DO get interest? The odds of anyone saying, "I'll take your book exactly as it is" are slim to none. Do I send it out, trusting that somehow I'll be able to find the time to do rewrites in between family obligations, teaching/lesson planning/grading and studying for the five tests I have to take this spring? Or do I put this book I've worked on for four years in a drawer until I finish grad school--in 2011? I hate to shelf something I've worked so hard on all this time, for fear that it may grow attached to the shadows of the drawer and never reappear! I'm just not sure whether I can add an agent hunt to my List of Obligations right now. Decisions, decisions ...

'Tis the Season

It's been an interesting couple of weeks around here. We never did go back to school last week. I ran into our superintendent twice (once at Les Schwab's and once at the post office), and she said that they really wanted to have at least one day of school. So many things were planned for that last week--Christmas programs and gift donations and so on. Besides that, we got to the point that we now have to add days on to the end of the school year in June. But ... when the roads are slick and many off our kids live out in the hills, it's just not worth risking it. If this were Minnesota, sure! But Oregonians are (forgive me, fellow Oregonians, but I have to say it) numbskulls when it comes to snow and ice. So we ended up with an extra full week of vacation, which has been great for me because it has given me time to work up lesson plans, etc. (as I mentioned in my last post). I have finished (yey!) with Spanish 2B, including all the weekly tests, the PowerPoints, the warmups, everything. Monday I start in on 7th grade Spanish, which will be significantly easier since a) I've already taught it, and b) it doesn't involve the subjunctive!

Christmas was a bit different this year. Okay, a lot different! We weren't able to do anything that we had hoped to do on Christmas Eve (i.e. go to the Christmas Eve service, where Alex was supposed to play the chimes, or to my parents' place in Carlton for dessert and a gift exchange). Instead we stayed home and grouched at each other and watched _It's a Wonderful Life_, which DID help me put things into a better perspective.

The next day we got up and did our little family's gift exchange. It was hoot for me to see that most of the things I picked out for Mark and the kids were a success. I won't go (nearly) so far as to say that I don't enjoy receiving gifts. I do! But really, I think the greatest joy in Christmas comes in planning and scheming and hunting for just the right gifts--and then seeing their faces light up--or in Alex's case, hearing him cry "Hallelujah!" as he held his make-your-own-lightsaber kit aloft--is the best part of the season, for me.

In the afternoon, we decided to venture out, despite still iffy road, to the theater on the edge of McMinnville, since it's nearly a straight, flat shot (and a relatively short one) from here to there. We have gone to see a movie every year on Christmas afternoon for at least ten years now, and we really wanted to make it this year, as usual. Mark wasn't feeling well at all. (He had been in the hospital the night of Brendan's birthday (the 23rd). Oh, I forgot to tell you about the trip into town to pick him up! Well, I'll come back to that. Anyway ...) Mark rested for a few hours between opening gifts and going out at 2:30 to see Bedtime Stories. For any of you who have kids, that's a great movie! It's about as deep as a bottlecap, but ... hey, life doesn't ALWAYS have to be deep, does it? I laughed so hard at several points, and everyone else really enjoyed it, too. That what I consider a successful family movie--when everyone from the 7-year-old to the teenaged daughter to the mom and dad have a good time.

Then we came home and had a ham dinner and ... blah blah blah. None of that's really interesting, so let's skip ahead to ... today, when we got together at Mom and Dad's for brunch and a late Christmas/birthday celebration for Brendan and Joellen. We had Mom's yummy cinnamon rolls and egg ... something good! Don't know what you'd call them. And fruit salad and lots to drink. Good stuff! We, of course, exchanged gifts, with the theme of the year apparently being ... coffee! That's what I gave everyone--fair trade coffee and chocolates with mugs that I felt "matched" the couple. (I really feel more and more strongly about the way we say that slavery is so awful, how we would never be a part of that ... and yet we ARE a part of it when we benefit from the cheap prices that slavery brings to supermarket shelves. Just because we don't SEE the slaves doesn't mean they aren't just as real--and just as downtrodden and exploited--as any of those who used to work our own Southern plantations.)

But I digress ... many of us had the same idea, which was just fine by all, since we all love coffee (except for Mom and Dad, who can take it or leave it, and would usually rather leave it. And Becca, who doesn't like it at all unless it's been sweetened, beaten, and flavored beyond recognition. (Hi, Becca! Love ya!) I'm not sure how the rest of us developed out love of coffee. Maybe the French sort of leeched into our genes, somehow? (Although what we drink, our friend Philippe use to call "sock juice." American coffee is really NOTHING like the French stuff.)

Best of all, though, was the news that (brother) Mark and Joellen are having a new baby this September (late August). They are going to be BUSY, as Asher will only be 17 months old then. But those two have so much energy and enthusiasm for life. I'm sure they'll manage. It's so much FUN to have Asher and soon Mary's Analeigh and then a few months after, yet another wee one in the family, and I don't have to have a single contraction, back ache, or stretch mark! I can let other people (my dearly beloved sisters ...) go through all that, and I just get to sit back and enjoy the results. (Hey, stop glaring, Mary. I put in my time!)

Lots of White Stuff

Hi, folks! It's been ... ahem ... 9 days since I last posted. Sorry about that. I discovered Facebook, and ... well ... those of you who have made that discovery as well are surely aware of how that site can suck a person in! But it's been so much FUN rediscovering old friends. I even have plans to get together with two of my bestest buds (or would they be buddets, since they're women?) on January 3rd. I can hardly wait!

It's so odd, though, to see the pictures of the siblings. It's not too jarring to my psyche to see pictures of my friends themselves, but when they put up pictures of their little brothers and sisters, who are "supposed to be" elbow high and running around in nightgowns, being pests... and these "children" have become gorgeous adults with spouses and LIVES ... wow. Time does keep ticking, doesn't it? I wouldn't go so far as to say that I feel old, but it certainly reminds me that I'm not exactly young anymore! Which is fine, really. I think our society unduly worships youth and underestimates the value of maturity and experience. Quite frankly I prefer being (nearly) 37 over any other age I've been yet, and I really do feel that my best years are ahead of me. But this-all reminds me not to waste the time that I have, because it's a finite gift and is not renewable.

About the family ... things have been good here. I'm sure most of you who read this blog know about the snow and ice here the last week. We ended up not having school at all last week, which means we'll have to tack a couple of days onto the end of the school year in June, but ... oh, well ... I ran into our superintendant in the post office and she was commenting how people get upset if school is cancelled and others get upset if it's not! I certainly wouldn't want to be in her shoes, always having to navigate her way through the mire of public opinion! But she seems to do a great job at it. Me? No. Give me the classroom and a bunch of hormone crazed teenagers any day! I much prefer working with them than with the ones who spawned them!

Anyway, my unexpected time off has been quite productive. I've been preparing lesson plans (and warmups and tests and PowerPoints and ... yada yada yada) for next term. That may not sound exciting to you, but to me it means that I won't have to spend nearly as much time working after-hours this winter and can focus on STUDYING for the Praxis exams, which will be happening soon-ish, two (Spanish) in March and two (English) in April. I don't have time to flunk/retake these test and still make the deadline for registration for grad school, so I simply MUST pass them. And pass them I will, doggonit. But not without becoming quite cozy with The Books over the next few weeks.

Mark has been doing reasonably well. He had a bit of chest pain yesterday, but nothing too significant. Even if the ablation only works for a few months (like the last one did), it's worth it to have this relief for a time. And his liver pain has been manageable at home so that we haven't had to make a single trip to the hospital this week, except for one visit (yesterday) to get the dressings on his pic line changed. (We wouldn't have had to do even that, except that his home health nurse was snowed in!)

Let's Blow this Taco Stand!

Well, we've got 20 more minutes until they give him the Standing Test. Assuming he doesn't pass out or start bleeding, we'll be able to hit the highway--just in time for rush hour! Whoo-hoo! :)

They came in about three hours ago and put a pic line in his arm so that he doesn't have to have any more IV's or pokes for narcotics or blood draws. The docs have been hesitant to give him one for a variety of reasons, including the risk of infections and/or blood clots. And Mark is at a higher than normal risk of having "issues" if he gets air bubbles into his bloodstream. The doc said he was also wary because they generally don't give them to people when their future is as uncertain as Mark's is. Because you can't keep them in forever, they generally only give them to people who will be in a dramatically different situation within a year or so--either having passed on to the Other Side or having been cured and/or put into remission (in the case of cancer). But with Mark, no one knows when his train is going to pull into the station. Could be next week. Could be a couple years. Could be a decade! (That's doubtful, but then, he wasn't supposed to survive infancy, so ... who knows?) But they decided to go ahead with it since his veins are nearly shot and deal with later ... later!

One of the docs here came in with four of his students. He always likes to bring baby docs to inspect Mark and try to figure out what his condition is. They never can figure it out, but it gives this doctor/professor (whose name I can't remember and who wasn't wearing his name tag) a great teaching opportunity. And he's so gracious about it that Mark doesn't mind.

Besides, he gave me chocolate on his way out. Anyone who gives me chocolate can get away with pretty much anything! :)

Positive Report

Dr. Balaji just came in and reported that Mark came through the procedure just fine. They did have to go a bit close for comfort to what he describes as the heart's "central cable." Damaging that would not be a good thing, for Mark! Because of that, the doctor chose to freeze the area rather than burn it. So far, it looks like it worked. However, since they had to be so cautious, it's not unlikely that we will do this yet again down the road. But for now, all looks good.

Mark is not back in his room yet, but he should be soon. Then he has to lie on his back with these heavy "beanbags" on his groin for six hours. If all goes smoothly, he'll be released in about six hours.

Here we go ...

Well, they've taken Mark back to start the ablation. They said to expect him back between 11 and 12:00. So far so good!

I'm just sitting here in his room, writing Christmas cards. I was so shaky with hunger when I went down to get breakfast that I spilled a full cup of coffee all up my left arm. It was so hot that the inside of my elbow blistered! Ouch. But Mark's nurse is so kind that she snuck me a vial of Lidocaine to drip on it and just asked that I keep it hidden. Very sweet.

I'll be back to keep you all updated on Mark when I know more myself.

No News is Good News

Well, I'm happy to report that I have nothing to report today. Mark hasn't been in hospital the last several days. Which isn't to say that he's been feeling all that terrific! But he's been home, so ... we'll be grateful for what we get, eh?

We had the most refreshing visit from a man in our church this evening. David Hammond lives in Dayton and goes to the church that the kids and I have been attending since July (McMinnville Cooperative Ministries http://www.mac-coop.org/whoweare.php). His wife is one of Alex's youth leaders and is really one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Delia's always ready with a hug, always willing to listen to me blabber on (and those of you who know me well, know how much I can blabber!). But anyway, another thing that connects me to her is that she understands what it's like to have a spouse going through serious medical issues. See, David just went through a bout of cancer. He's doing well now. Has his hair back and everything. :) But they've been through the fire, so to speak, and so ... they understand, in a way that most people just can't.

Anyway, Delia took Alex out to do some shopping for Logos (youth group) tomorrow. (They are inviting some kids from the local shelter to come to dinner and youth group with them, and since it's "pajama night," they thought they'd buy these kids slippers. So Alex went with Delia "to help pick them out," and came back with a pair of his own, which clearly tickled him to pieces. While they were out, David stayed here and chatted with Mark and me. He and Mark have talked on the phone, but they hadn't officially met until this evening. Mark has just been too sick and tired. But tonight he was actually up to a visit. It was SO NEAT to see Mark connecting with another guy. It's been so hard for Mark, I think (although he doesn't complain) because his best friend (and brother-in-law) moved to California and most of the other guys in his life have sort of ... disappeared. I understand how that can be. I mean, what do you talk about with someone who struggles to make it past the mailbox (and some days, lately, can't even make it that far)? But I could tell, watching Mark this evening, how much he enjoyed having a guy (who didn't happen to be a doctor or a nurse or a pastor), sitting and talking in his living room, treating him like a normal human being.

On a much different note, I am very much enjoying this new term. I'm only two days into it, so far, and so maybe I'll change my tune down the road, but right now, I'm finding this batch of kids to be delightful. Maybe it's the group dynamics? Maybe it's me, and the fact that I'm not quaking in my boots the way I was at the beginning of last term? Maybe it's ... the phase of the moon??? I don't know. But I do know that I got to the end of Monday and thought, "Wow! But a great bunch of kids." It helps, too, when I hear a kid say, "I love Spanish. This is the BEST class!" And then I walk around, checking on what kids are writing on the individual white boards I ordered with my classroom funds, and I see another girl has written, "Spanish rocks." Kind of made my day. :)

Keeping connections open

Hello, y'all. I realized this week, when the rumor mill had my husband in a coma, that maybe I need to make a bit more of an effort to keep everyone informed of what's going on in the Brewer household. I DO try, believe it or not! But ... I'm afraid I've been failing miserably lately. My family and my job seem to be consuming about 125% of my energy. But you-all are very important to me, and I regret that I've let some relationships simmer on back burners. Please know that you are often in my thoughts, even if I rarely make it to the keyboard or the phone these days. I can't promise that I'll make it in here every day, or that what I post here will have anything even CLOSE to literary value! But I'll try to give you at least a telegraph-like update a couple times a week.

So what's up with the Brewers, you ask? Well, first of all ... Mark's "incident." As best as the doctors can tell, his body most likely stored up the narcotics he has been injecting, either in a pocket in his thigh or in his liver, and then something caused it to release all at once into his bloodstream. So, yes, technically Mark overdosed ... but through no fault of his own. And yes, he definitely would have died without medical intervention, but he was only "out" for about four hours after I found him (in addition to however long he was out before I found him. That part's not clear.) He responded really well to the narcan drip, though, and was home in less than 24 hours.

We're going ahead with the (second) ablation on Thursday. They are also planning to put a port in, since Mark's veins are pretty much shot. This should be a day trip, but we'll see how things go.

In brighter news, Alex is performing with the children's chime chorus at the church the kids and I have been attending since July (McMinnville Cooperative Ministries--or the Coop, as some call it. :) ) He'll be performing in church this coming Sunday, the 14th, and then at our Christmas Eve service at 7:00.

Brendan will also be in a performance--for school though. (He chickened out on the church thing.) His performance is next Wednesday, the 17th, at 7:00 in the Dayton Grade School gym.

Kayte, being a high schooler, isn't practicing anything except her texting skills and how to flip her hair with the right measure of sass and laissez-faire ...

A new term starts tomorrow. Can you believe I made it through a whole term? Whoo-hoo! I've pretty much decided that if a person can survive a life filled with middle schoolers, he/she can survive pretty much anything! :) Although it DOES help if I'm braced and ready when they come through the door. So I'd better stop babbling and GET TO WORK!