Hospitals, Weddings, and Ordinary Days

Today has been a wonderfully ordinary day. The thing about having a challenging life is that ordinary days seem like gems! I think sometimes--often!--we underestimate the value of everyday life: the beautiful sights and sounds and smells, interesting conversations with people, hugs and kisses from our kids, the productive feeling that comes from getting things done ... I know that when things go "right" for long enough, we have a tendency to feel like a day has to be out of the ordinary for it to be truly special, but I've come to realize that any day in which my family is healthy and reasonably happy and we have food on the table is a good one.

We had nearly four days without seeing the inside of a hospital last week. Thursday through Sunday, Mark felt ... not well, but not terribly bad. He slept a lot but was even able to put in two or three hours of work at the church. Then Sunday he crashed again. An evening trip to the ER determined that he wasn't suffering any further damage to his heart, but yesterday he crumped again. We called an ambulance that time because he was upstairs and didn't think that he could get down on his own. And I certainly can't carry him! (That's an issue we're going to have to address here eventually. I wonder what it would take to convert a garage to a room ...? My grandparents did it once, but then Grandpa was a carpenter! Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.) As I was saying, we called 911, but after four hours of observation and a test of his triponin levels, they decided it was safe for him to go back home. He slept fairly well last night (and much of this morning), and now seems to be feeling quite well (although we all know how quickly that can change!). Tomorrow we have an appointment with his doctors up at OHSU.

So what does all this have to do with cowboy boot cake? Nothing, actually! I just thought I'd tell you all about my aunt Karen's wedding to Mike on Saturday. Most of the people who actually read this blog were there, so feel free to skip ahead if you were one of those! But a few regular readers were not a part of the festivities, so I thought I'd describe it a bit for them.

The wedding was in my aunt's barn (which is open on three sides). We sat on hay bales to watch. Karen came in, wearing a knee length white dress with white cowboy boots. Her daughters, Stacey and Rachel, wore springy dresses with color-coordinated cowboy boots as well. Mike wore jeans. The ceremony was very short. Six or seven minutes tops. Just long enough to read a little Scripture, say the vows, and give each other a big old smooch! Then it was on to the eating! Karen and Mike provided chicken kabobs, and various family members brought side dishes: lots of them! Cabbage and rice, fresh melon, chips and salsa, summer sausage, baked beans, the works! And there was dancing. I must say that (with the exception of Mike and Karen, who seemed to know what they were doing) there were a lot of left feet on the dance floor (mine included!). But it was fun. (That was Alex's favorite part. He must have asked me at LEAST twenty times when the dancing was going to start.)

This was the first wedding I ever attended that had animals present! The dog in the back row had not been invited, but was allowed to stay once someone had him on a leash. And the four horse showed up at the fence/side of the barn in time for the reception. They may have missed out on the chicken and cake, but one of the little girls there kept them well supplied with hay!

It was great to see my extended family again. I was surprised when I realized that every one of my cousins had a significant other with him/her. I think there will be several more weddings in the near future. Yey! But there are none on the docket at the moment (that I know of, anyway). I asked Stacey what we were going to use for an excuse to get together now that our rash of spring/summer weddings is over. She thought a minute and said, "Babies?" Yeah, well, I'm sure there will be a flood of those in the next few years! But none are due until at least next spring. I guess we'll just have to be creative in coming up with excuses. Or maybe--here's a thought!--we could get together "just because."

Home Sweet Home

He's home! We got back about two hours ago. Mark is beat, but happy to be here. The boys are ecstatic, although they have finally settled down. Kaitlyn is MIA, at a friend's house. I am ... tired, like I can finally relax a bit. I know better than to get too comfortable! The docs opted not to start him on the hydroxyurea therapy yet, because they/we need to thoroughly discuss and prepare for the risk factors. And they didn't do a phlebotomy because of the significant chance of anemia. (They did give him magnesium and blood thinners and started him on a new prescription: a slow release nitro-type medication that will hopefully head off some of the chest pain.) So ... we'll see how it goes. I don't know how long he'll get to stay home before we do this all over again. I don't want to be pessimistic, but I'm prepared for it to be a relatively brief spell. But who knows? Maybe the tide will turn for awhile.

Good News

I have some potentially good news this morning! Mark's cardiologists called in some "consultants." (I didn't realized doctors have consultants, but ... hey! Whatever gets the job done!) These consultants told us yesterday that they are going to recommend hypoxyurea therapy for Mark. I still need to get online and read up about it, but what I know so far is that it lowers the red blood cell count and makes the cells more pliable so that they will slip through the veins more easily. This could be really good! It's the first time in a long time that anyone has offered us anything that might actually make a substantial difference.

The down side? Well ... this medication can't differentiate between red and white cells. They said his white cell count can tolerate a decrease at this point, but if they get the balance off, it could suppress his immune system. (Not permanently. They could always adjust the meds. But we don't want him wide open to "bugs" that could easily do him in, in his weakened state.) Another downside: because the cells are more slippery, he would also be more prone to bleeding. (Hard to imagine, since his blood is currently so thick they have to struggle to get a sample.) I know it's a bit of a risk, but the "downsides" seem to be controllable with further medical intervention, if it comes to that, and at least it's SOMEthing. For the first time in a long time, somebody has been able to give us something resembling hope!

Doing Better

I didn't write anything yesterday because I had nothing to write! We were waiting (and waiting) for the cat scan to check for blockages in his heart, only to find out that we wouldn't get the results until today. Well, the results are finally in: everything looks clear. Tomorrow they think he should be able to come home. Yey! When I called this morning, he was actually out of bed, sitting in a chair, and was able to talk to both of the boys, so ... progress!

This afternoon, I'm taking the boys up to see him for a bit. It's a long drive for what will undoubtedly be a short visit, since the boys are not exactly what one could call "sedate." But it'll be good for them to see him (and vice versa). Kaitlyn doesn't want to go, and I'm not going to force her. She'll see him tomorrow anyway.

Another Update

I don't have much time, here. As soon as the boys finish their graham crackers, I need to put them to bed, and then I am going to curl up with a book. But I wanted to update all of you who are interested on Mark's progress. He is at OHSU now. He developed an increase in the fluid on his lungs, and they decided to transfer him up there last night. This morning, his oxygen saturations were in the 5o's. (A normal person sats near 100 percent and would be dead LONG before 50%. Actually, even the low 90s are worrisome for a normal person, but Mark's norm in the mid to high 70s.) Hydrated oxygen and pressure cuffs on his legs seem to have helped quite a bit though. His saturations are back up, and his color looks a lot better. He is still very tired, and getting up to the bathroom leaves him panting and coughing, but he is moving in the right direction. He's still on morphine for the chest pain, but not so much that he can't carry on a brief conversation. More tomorrow.

Just me, again

Mark's nurse called early this afternoon. She said he was having more of what he'd had last night: mental fogginess and left side weakness. She said he was quite anxious and was hoping I would come in and sit with him. I dashed off. Dropped the boys at Becca's again. (Poor Becca. I feel bad for her that she's had them three days in a row, but she's being very gracious about it. Besides, Jason was off today so it took a lot of the burden off of her.) I rushed off to the hospital, only to find Mark ... sound asleep. I felt a little silly that I'd been so worried. Still, something IS changing with him. No one can tell us what, really, but his EKG is different. (Something about the ST waves.) And his chest hurts when he breathes. And the fogginess in his brain was/is concerning so they did a CAT scan while I was there. They finally came in, about 8:00 this evening, and told me that there was no sign of a stroke, but that the scan does reveal that the blood in his brain is just too thick. (The gal in the ER last night had to work hard to even get a sample of it, that's how thick it is.) They are giving him lots of IV fluids, but if things don't clear up by tomorrow, they will have to do a phlebotomy again. I really don't think more fluids are going to do the trick. Not at this point. He's had plenty of phlebotomies in the past, though, and should be just fine. I would feel a little better if he were up at OHSU, but the docs there don't know anything else to do for him either, and this hospital is FAR more convenient. I hope it doesn't come around to bite us. They said we can have him transferred whenever we want, but that they feel confident they can handle this. So ... I guess I'll leave him there for now.

I got a real treat today. Katie is in town! She's staying at Becca's tonight, but she stopped by the hospital on her way out to Dayton and stayed for three hours. We had such a nice chat. Well, some of it wasn't "nice." We discussed some tough stuff, but also some lighter things. We don't really get a chance to talk even on the rare occasions when we get together anymore, because there are always little ears around. And besides, it was just nice to have somebody I love sitting with me! I spend so many hours sitting next to a drugged and/or sleeping man. It was so nice to have company for a change!

Tomorrow we are going to the beach, to Fogarty Creek, for a picnic after I pick up Kaitlyn at camp. I debated about whether I should go or not ... and what if something happens to Mark while I'm gone, and ... but you know, what if something DOES happen while I'm gone? Can I stop it by being here? Hardly! And we'll only be gone for a few hours. We're aiming to head home by 2:00, so I can still go in and see him when we get back. And I think it will do my spirit good to get away for a bit. The ocean ALWAYS makes me feel better, calmer ... I need that right now. I think it is in everyone's interests for us to have a little "play time" tomorrow, even if Mark is in the hospital.

Christina is still calling. I don't know what to do. I've asked her straight out, several times, to stop calling. I've told her, in no uncertain terms, that I will not help her anymore, that she needs to call her family. But she keeps calling. (She started at 6:15 this morning.) I think I'm going to look into what would be involved in blocking her number. I'm afraid that might backfire, that she'd just show up at my door. But ... I have to try something. Becca suggested a restraining order, but I think that's a little extreme, considering that she doesn't seem dangerous. Anyhow! I'm not going to worry about it too much for now. I have to get up reasonably early tomorrow anyway, to be on the road by 8:30, and I'll be gone most of the day so even if (when) she does call, it won't matter all that much. And Sunday ... well, we'll deal with that Sunday! One day at a time!

A Crazy Day

The phone started ringing about 6:30 this morning. It was Christina. "It's hot in here ... Can you come check my air conditioning?" I said, no. Please don't call before 9:00. Well, she called and called. After Alex got up, I took my coffee and the newspaper and went out to sit on the front step. I still felt rather ... disconnected, I guess. No, not disconnected. Just ... run over, by yesterday's events. But Christina must have heard me talking to someone because she soon appeared. "Will you PLEASE come help me?" I said no, not until 9:00. Not because it would have been that much effort to walk down to her place, glance at her machine, and tell her it was fine, but because I had set a limit, and felt it was essential to stick with it. As she was standing there, begging me, and I was sitting on the step, refusing, Marvin (the man who's in charge of building the new units) walked up behind her and said, "Now, you leave her alone. She has a sick husband. He's SICK. You stop badgering her, you hear me? I'm going to call your sister." Well, come to find out, Marvin has her sister's number! And he did call her. But she lives in Seattle. (Marvin reported later that Christina had called her sister several times that morning, too.) I went back in the house. Christina called again. Mark got on the phone and told her to stop. She called again. I got on, and said, "Christina, I'm sorry. I wish I could help you, but you call and call. I can't take care of you. I will not be coming down to look at your air conditioner any more. Call your family. I cannot take care of you." She called one more time. "Will you come down ...?" I said, "No, Christina. I will not. Good-bye." And I hung up. Then her family started arriving ... Thank glorious God above!!! I think the Seattle sister must have called in the local troops. It appears that they may be moving her in with one of them?? I don't know. But the phone calls have finally stopped.... I can't even tell you how glad I was to see their cars pull in this morning! I feel bad for her. I really, truly do. And I AM willing to go out of my way to help her, when I can. But she has pushed me beyond my limits.

On a different note, I had an interesting talk with Alex this afternoon. He's having a rough day today (or was, before our chat). He had been reprimanded several times, and had been sent to his room for being rude. He finally asked me, "Why do you think I'm being so grouchy?" I said, "Well, maybe you're bored. Or maybe you are feeling stressed from Daddy being in the hospital yesterday." He said, "But Daddy's home now." I said, "Well, sometimes our minds protect us. We don't feel things too strongly while they are happening because we need to be strong. Our minds only let us feel them when it's safe to do so." We talked some more, including about the way he shows that he is stressed. Finally he said, "Can you find someone to help me not be so grouchy?" I told him, yes, I can, and I will. I emailed a friend today. We were friends in college, and then he went on and became a therapist. He now works with addicted teenagers. I realized that, while autistic ten-year-olds are not his specialty, he may very know who would be good for him. Hopefully, I'll be able to get Alex in with someone soon.

Things went downhill not long afterwards. Mark hadn't been feeling terrific all day, but he was able to go in and put in some time working at the church this afternoon. His heart kept slipping into SVT though. I was sitting her, after dinner, typing an email, when he came downstairs and said he didn't feel good. He sat down on the bottom step and said, "Jenn ... I need you." And then he collapsed. The medics thought, "Stroke." Just a mild one. But tests at the hospital ruled that out. The only thing that's really clear is that his magnesium is low. His triponen level (which would indicate oxygen deprivation to the heart) is a wee bit high, but not frighteningly so. They speculate that this incident may have been caused by an arrhythmia, possibly V-tach, especially considering that while we were there, his monitor kept alarming for irregular rhythms. But they didn't see anything particularly alarming during the time that we were in the ER. He's upstairs now, in a regular hospital room, being monitored for at least 12 hours.

More than one person has suggested hospice to us, and sometimes that seems like the "solution." But then nights like tonight happen, and I'm reminded ... if he were on hospice, he would have to sign a DNR and agree not to go in to the ER. While it would be SO convenient to have the nurses come to the house to help with his pain management, something like a stroke, which can often be diffused with timely intervention, could incapacitate or even kill him if he didn't go in to the hospital. Yes, I realize that his days are numbered. But they're not over yet. And I'm convinced that he needs to keep thinking about life, that he MUST keep pushing forward, or else ... he will be gone. While I long for the assistance that hospice would bring, I'm afraid that it would be signing his death warrant. He's fighting right now, with all he's got. He's exercising, what little bit that he can: doing sit ups and going for walks. He's starting a charity to help provide ipods for chronically ill children. He's reading. He's working, whenever he can. I think--no, I know, somehow, deep in my gut--that if we force hospice on him, he will die. I think he needs to be allow to fight for the chance to keep on fighting, as tough as that fight may be.

Tired of Thinking Up Titles

Today was a tough one. My neighbor Christina, who has dementia, started calling about 7:15--and called and called. She didn't need anything except for me to check on her air conditioner, which she asks me to do several times a day lately. About 9:30, I finally went down there. I was only gone about two minutes, tops. When I got back, Mark had crumped. He was just fine when I left, but when I got back, he was slumped on the couch, his eyes wide, struggling to breath. He was in severe pain. I called the medics, and they took him to the hospital (the right one this time!). Becca called and offered to take the boys. (Bless you, Becca!) I hurried off to the hospital, nearly certain this was a "big one" that would land us at OHSU. Nope. The tests all came back negative. We were there for about six hours while they watched him and gave him fluids and an assortments of medications to control his pain, nausea, and itching. Then we came home. My day (my life, it seems sometimes) in a nutshell...

I was so discouraged when I got home that I just laid on the couch for about a half an hour. Brendan was off playing with the neighbor, and Alex was upstairs watching a show. I just laid there, feeling like this was it. I'd pretty much reached the end of the line and couldn't possibly do this anymore. And then ... I don't know what happened, to be honest. I guess I just got on with life. I COULD leave. No one is forcing me to stay here, to go through this day after day. But I CHOOSE to stay. And since I've made this choice, I might as well make the best of it. That sounds trite, doesn't it? Cliche. But ... it's what keeps me going, this knowledge that I only have one life and that I sure as %^&$*# (censored to retain PG rating) am not going to ruin my only life by lying on couches wishing I could change things that cannot be changed. Well, okay ... I'll lay there for a bit. Sometimes ... that's all I can manage. But then I have to get up and get going again.

While I cleaned the kitchen, I wrote some verse for the line of greeting cards that Joellen and I are starting. Then I played a game of Sequence with Alex. (Whooped his booty, thank you very much!) Then, as I was putting the boys down and washing my face, an opening line came to me: "Some nights linger far past dawn." I went downstairs and grabbed my ever ready notebook and wrote out the rough draft of a poem. And I feel much better. I truly think that as long as I can write, I can survive pretty much anything.

Hither and Yon

Yesterday was challenging, but good, overall. Mark had a rough night. Shortly after I sent off my email to you last night, he said that he thought he might need to go in to the hospital. I had laid (had lain?) down, but I got up because once I'm asleep, I'm toast. I did some embroidery, watched TV, waited to see which way things would go. Finally Mark decided to just take a valium and call it good. This morning, though, he decided that he needed to go. I was running short on time, though, by the time he made this decision so I put Brendan in the car, took Mark to Newberg, dropped him at the door of the emergency room, ran to Fred Meyers to get lunch stuff, hurried home ... For some reason, our phone wasn't working, and Kate was distraught. The people she was riding with were a half hour late, and she couldn't call them. (I had been planning on riding with them, but I couldn't find anyone to take the boys, so I decided to let Kate ride with her friends and follow along in the van. I wanted to just stay home. It would have been far simpler! But when I asked her how she felt about this, although she SAID it was fine, I could tell she really wanted me to come check her in to camp. But there wasn't room for me AND the boys, so I had to come in our van.) Anyhow! I got home, threw together a lunch, and pretty soon we were on the way. I still had to find someone to pick up Mark though. I had three people who were willing to do it if I couldn't find anyone else, but finally I got ahold of my dad, who readily agreed to transport him home later in the afternoon. Whew! Finally, I could relax a bit.

Well, I got her settled, called the hospital, found out that Mark had just left. (Hours have passed during the last paragraph, btw.) Again, another relief. He's okay. I figured he would be, but there's always that chance. I told Kaitlyn and Shari (Dakota's mom) that if they got to camp and I wasn't behind them, that I had gotten a call from the hospital and turned around. (That was the agreement I made with Mark when I dropped him off.) But thankfully they didn't call. When I did finally get ahold of Mark himself (later, down on the beach), he was really tired and groggy, but said, "It was nothing." Whew, again.

We drove into Lincoln City and stopped at the beach with the tide pools, except that they were nearly all underwater. It was really cool though because the water coming in over the rocks had created a sort of pool for the boys to play in. Brendan said, "Look! We have our own ocean!" I hadn't brought a change of clothes for them, thinking we were just going to play in the sand, but that pool was irresistible. Alex had shorts on, thankfully, so that he could wade in. I stripped Brendan down to his little underpants and he went swimming! The water was ice cold, but he didn't seem to mind--for awhile! After ... oh, I don't know ... forty minutes or so, he was totally shivering. I wrapped him in the blanket (since we hadn't brought any towels), stripped off his underpants, and held him tight until he finally (a good fifteen minutes later) stopped shivering. Then I pulled on his clothes (sans the soaked undergarments) and he went back to playing (although not in the water). I sat in my little portable chair and wrote verse ideas (and took a bunch of pictures, of course!). It was so relaxing, definitely the best part of the day. Finally, we packed up the plastic buckets, etc. and set off for the van.

I stopped at my favorite little drive through coffee place, and asked the price of hot chocolates for the boys. "What size do you want?" the guy asked. "Well, I have $2.80, and I need two, so ... whatever I can get for that!" As he was making the hot chocolates, the boys were behind me, barking like dogs. “How many puppies have you got in there?” the man asked. He handed a couple of real dog biscuits through the window, which the boys gave to the stuffed animals they had buckled into the way back. They thought it most amusing that this grown man was playing along with their game! Then he passed me the hot chocolates. I started to hand him the money. "Is that all you've got?" he asked. I said, yes. He said, "Keep your money then." I ... could only grin and think ... I don't know. Just how lucky I am, sometimes. Just how many fabulous people I seem to encounter all the time. I know it was only a little thing, but it made my heart sort of sing as I headed for home.

A Good Week

This has been a really good week. For one thing, Mark has made it seven whole days without a trip to the hospital. Hurrah! He hasn’t been feeling all that great, except for yesterday when he “came to” suddenly, just in time for my cousin’s wedding. (More on that below.) Otherwise, he’s been sleeping a lot. But he’s been home, so … we’ll count our blessings!

I enjoyed the 4th so much. We didn’t do anything (besides housework!) during the day, but about 6:30 the kids and I set up “camp” with the Sweeneys in the field behind the high school. Their son, Austin, and his band were just taking the stage. He's not bad for a fifteen-year-old. But ... well, even Pieper leaned over and mentioned that it's kind of funny listening to love song lyrics written by someone who has never had a serious girlfriend. But it was fun to watch, and he has great guts getting up on stage like that. And he has a definite passion for the music, which I think will carry him a long ways over time, with the amount of dedication he pours into it. After he was done doing his thang, another guy (a grown man) came up on stage that I really didn't care for at all. His music was ... (shrug). And his lyrics were often so cliche. It was boring. But the next group up was a bunch of high schoolers again. They played jazz, and ... wow! I absolutely ate them up! The trombone player, a redhead who must have been about 16, just brought out the "spirit" of the evening, for the first time. I would have been content to listen to him all evening. But there were others, equally good. Austin was up on stage for the last guy and got to do two or three guitar solos, which he pulled off quite well.

But it wasn’t just the music that made the night. It was so much fun to sit and watch people. A breeze had come up so that even though we were in the sun, we were reasonably comfortable. We ate: KFC, pasta salad, caramel apple pie. Mm-m! More and more kids came, and glombed together, as kids will do. Someone was selling bubbles, so for awhile there was a group of them blowing and chasing bubbles. And then someone brought out one of those huge rubber balls, and a whole pack of kids ran back and forth (and back and forth) in front of the stage, playing keep away (although who they were trying to keep it away from is anybody's guess!). And then a few people got up and danced, although when I tried, Kaitlyn was mortified and ordered me to sit down! And then, right before the fireworks, a 10-year-old kid got up and sang the national anthem and got the most rousing applause of the night. And then ... the fireworks! Awesome.

I realized last night as I lay there on the blanket, my head pillowed on my purse, with my kids and good friends around me, delicious food in my belly, hours of music in my veins, and now the sky, all lit up ... I was completely, totally happy. It was weird. It wasn't like a giddy kind of high, at all. It was just a deep, deep realization that THIS is happiness, being completely in the moment, absorbing all the tastes and textures and sounds, all the affection and laughter of both strangers and friends ... just a perfectly peaceful letting-go ...

Thursday was again unremarkable, except that I got to check out the Farmer’s Market while Alex was at Summer Fun at the library. That was pretty neat! I’m going to have to go there on a regular basis from now on.

Friday, I finally got to spend some time with Andrea. She’s been moving and so incredibly busy that, although I’ve seen her a few times, we haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk for several weeks. I have lots of friends that I enjoy, but if I don’t see them for weeks, then … okay. But I have only a few like Andrea, where lack of contact leads to a sort of parched feeling, like I’m missing out on something vital. It was great to sit and “drink” with her again!

In the evening, I took the boys to the first of the summer’s open air family movie nights at the Baptist Church. Alex roasted a hot dog over the fire, and we all had popcorn (all provided free of charge to anyone who wants to come). Then we sat in our portable chairs, all wrapped up in blankets, and watched Charlotte’s Web. Good times.

Yesterday was my cousin Luke’s wedding. It was lovely. It was outside... and HOT! (That part wasn't so lovely.) They had the ceremony on the side of a hill out in the middle of nowhere. I literally had to trample down weeds so that I could take my seat on the makeshift bench I'd been ushered, too. And after the ceremony, my dad (who had performed the wedding) announced that anyone who let their kids roam outside of the ribbonned off area did so at their own risk, that there was a LOT of poison oak all over the place. It was ... rugged, to say the least! And we were right in the mid-afternoon sun. I could feel the sweat trickling inside my shirt. Uck! I hate that feeling. And Brendan was bored and crabby and restless and ... Okay, so the ceremony was not fun--for those of us watching! But the view off the field/forest/mountain (in that order) was astounding. And the kiss ... It was SO sweet! Luke is TALL, like Mark. Kim is tiny. At the very end, when Dad announced that Luke could kiss the bride, instead of making her stretch up to reach him, he knelt down! She could easily reach him that way, and you could hear the whole crowd kind of give a collective moan/sigh, like ... "Oh, my gosh. He is SO sweet to her." And the thing is ... he IS! It wasn't just for show. He is SO good to her.

We had to walk about a quarter mile to get to the reception area in a grove of trees. (They had shuttles for those who couldn't make the walk, but Mark refused. After being horribly ill for 13 out of the last 14 days, he was remarkably bouncy today. I NEVER know what to expect with that boy!) Anyway, we filled our plates, chatted with people ... (brother) Mark and Joellen sat with us, and my Texas cousins came over eventually and we had a good time, just talking and laughing.

Oh, and then ... a little funny note. Luke and Kim got up to cut the cake. In the sudden silence that fell as everyone was watching them, Alex said, none too quietly, "Well, at least they're not cutting the cheese!" Ah, my dear, charming son ...!

They had dancing--just a tiny little makeshift floor in the middle of the grove. They played a song that Luke had composed and sung just for that moment, and it was SO sweet.

I got Mark to dance with me. He has NEVER danced with me before. When he balked, I said, "You know, just ONCE in our marriage, I'd like to dance with my husband." I was pleasantly surprised when he followed me to the dance floor. He clearly wasn't comfortable, but he stuck around for most of the song. When we got back to our table, he said, "There. That ought to hold you for another 15 years." Ah, I married such a romantic ...

What else? Not much, really. Instead of confetti or rice or anything like that, they threw those little "helicopters" that come off trees. And Kim's gorgeous (but quite simple) dress was pinned up in the back with three purple buttons. They looked like rosebuds, but if you got up close, you could tell that they were hippos. Apparently, she had told her mom when she was 7 years old that she wanted those buttons on her wedding dress, and her mom had saved them all these years.

It’s hard to explain the feelings that I had yesterday. I long ago gave up any fairy tale notions I entertained about love and marriage, once upon a time. Reality is … just not like that! But Luke and Kim are such wonderful people, and their love is clearly genuine, and I just felt …content, I guess. I felt like despite life’s inevitable challenges, these two will be more happy than not over the years to come.

Party Time

We had a good time yesterday. I decided, back when Brendan was a baby, that I would start having half-birthday parties with his friends when he turned five, since his birthday gets swallowed up by Christmas. I invited 8 little boys and was rather disappointed when only 3 showed up at the park yesterday afternoon. Brendan didn't seem to mind, though! They played on the play structure and then had cake and opened presents. He got a Blockbuster gift card from his cousin and a bunch of Transformer toys and books, which pretty much thrilled him to pieces. Then we had a water balloon fight. It was supposed to be just the kids, but after I lobbed one at Jason ... well, let's just say it wasn't only the kids who got wet! Then we went over to the fountains and let the kids run and run. The whole thing only lasted about an hour and a half. I knew Mark wasn't feeling well and didn't want to push things. But Brendan seems perfectly content with the whole experience, simple as it was. Hurray!

A Little Detour

Friday evening I put the boys upstairs with a movie of their own so that Mark and I could watch Antwone Fisher. (Good movie by the way. I would highly recommend it. It's a great--and true!--story of the power of the human spirit to heal and grow, no matter the past.) Anyway, we were halfway through it when the boys' movie ended, and I stopped ours to put them to bed. I was in the bathroom a few minutes later when I heard Mark say, "Kaitlyn, get your mom. I feel like I'm going to pass out." I darted out of the bathroom in time to ease him to the floor at the bottom of the stairs. I called Jason, who came over, looked at him, and decided that he needed to go to the ER via ambulance (so that he would have medical assistance on the way). When I drove to meet him, however, I got all the way to Newberg hospital before I realized that they had taken him to McMinnville. By this time, it was approaching midnight. I tried to keep a positive spirit, tried not to think too much about sleeping or precious wasted gasoline or any of that, and focused instead on good things: how reassuring it was to know that Jason was at our house with the kids, how fortunate I was that I had nothing planned for the next day so that I could most likely find time for a nap, how lovely the full moon was behind the clouds, how in the moonlight the pansies by the hospital entrance looked like a low-hovering swarm of bumble bees ... Still, I wasn't exactly thrilled as I turned around and went back, past Dayton, to McMinnville.

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate McMinnville hospital? Well, I'll say it now. I really hate McMinnville hospital. I guess we've been spoiled by the warmth and friendliness of Newberg. Jason says our experience with them is certainly not typical, and so I guess I can only consider us fortunate that most of our ER visits land us amid (relative) comfort and among friends. Let's just say that our accidental exposure to McMinnville ER was a valuable reminder of how good we really have it most of the time. (It was also a good reminder to make SURE to tell the medics where to take him before they leave.)

I was also informed that Medicare now has a $100 copay for each ER visit. Oh, dear ... Well, there has to be options for covering that. (My friend Andrea said that for a lot of the people she sees at the pharmacy where she works, Medicaid covers whatever Medicare doesn't. Mark doesn't have Medicaid--yet! But we're certainly going to look into it muy pronto!)

Today ... fun stuff! We have a half-birthday party planned for Brendan at Discovery Meadows Park. It's not going to be anything fancy, just cake and such. But they have a large fountain the kids can run through, and we'll bring buckets of water balloons. I decided, when he was born, that once he turned five I would start doing parties for him in June, since his birthday gets swallowed up by Christmas. (Okay, so it's July. I've been a little busy, all right?) He's excited. I hope plenty of people come! We invited eight little boys. One mom called to say that her son, sadly, can't make it, and two have RSVPed that they can. And the other five? Well, I guess we'll just see who shows up!